Staying on Point / Not Responding to Insults

When people perceive others to be suffering and offer insults, they are trying to distance themselves from the suffering. They will never experience what they think the other is suffering because they are not like that. It’s nice to think who we are insulates us from what we might experience.

People who insult you are not open to conversation. They are not trying to understand you or even to change you. They are just angry because you are reminding them that who they are cannot protect them from what they might experience.

You don’t have to answer. You should not answer.

When being interviewed, you don’t actually have to answer the questions being asked.

* Know what you want to say

* Every time a question comes close to your message, say it. Later the interviewer can/probably will change their question to fit your answer.

* Stick to your message, the things you least intended to share will become the focus of the interview

* Repeating the same message increases the chances that your intended message will be the sound bite selected for broadcast.

Coming Out

The last time I preached, it was a painful, pitiful thing. I’d been asked to preach during a special prayer service to support a pastor who was being censured by his bishop for coming out. His congregation accepted him; wanted him to be himself. They felt blessed by his ministry.

It was all too close to home. Not a year prior, I had been ‘quietly set aside’ as a seminarian who would not support the official ELCA position on non-heterosexual clergy and laity. For the record, I could not stand before a congregation, confess God’s forgiveness, then carefully point out and exclude those queers in the back. Never mind having the courage to approach the pulpit if I actually believed I had been set aside to be an object of God’s contempt.

The last time I preached was the single worst sermon I have ever experienced. I couldn’t prepare it -- not for a lack of trying, and I couldn’t deliver it -- not for a lack of prayerful effort. Mid-stream, I just stopped, took a breath, and explained why it was so hard for me to speak.

Then I said that every morning when I wake up, I am reminded that God loves me and God is still at work in my life and in the world. Every morning when I wake up, I wake up with the woman who loves me.

After that, I mumbled something approximating closure and sat down, lost in the misery of having lost my voice. I just wanted to go home. Following the service, I stayed to greet the people who had assembled in prayer and tried to avoid wallowing. A woman I did not know and still do not know shook my hand and told me I had chosen the better part. I thanked her, but failed to understand.

Why, five years later, should this come to mind again? I don’t know, except that it had something to do with mourning the loss of a childhood friend. Maybe wishing I could help with the funeral -- as if.

What did she mean that I had chosen the better part? The text for the day didn’t have anything to do with Martha and Mary. What was Martha doing anyway that Jesus would sweep away her complaint with praise for Mary. Martha was serving Christ. Mary, for her part was sitting at his feet, hanging on every word.

What’s this? Loving God is more important than serving God?

Jacob took advantage of his brother when he was hungry, asking him to trade his inheritance for a bowl of stew. Esau is censured for selling his birthright and Jacob is praised for his faith. Weird. God is always turning things upside down.

Perhaps the things we do in the name of serving God are not near so important as being faithful and mindful of God’s love and forgiveness.

Don't Worry, Believe

A friend needed my car today, so I rode the bus to work. I left the house without eating breakfast, or packing a lunch, because it was time to leave, if I wanted to catch the bus.

The timing was perfect. Free parking downtown (where I dropped off the car for them). Time enough to get a cup of coffee from the café in their building. The bus rounded the corner just as I stepped outside...

Now I had thirty stress-free minutes to drink my coffee and have a conversation with my buddy Luke. So, Luke is recounting the long approach to Jerusalem. Jesus is talking about greed. Talking ‘bout greed and the anxiety that leads to greed. He talks about it a lot. This particular story was about the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. God provides so richly for these and cares even more for us.

I pondered this a bit, knowing that lately I’ve been vulnerable to the lure of spending and consuming. Really – we have eight pets in our house, each one extending our eccentricities a little further. I can busy-up the smallest increment of spare time. I pondered, wondering how to open myself to God and close a little more of myself off from the world without creating barriers of pets, hobbies and stuff.

I don’t know the answer to this question, except that it doesn’t begin with me.

When I got to work, my mind was once again on the cares of the world: What time did I reach my desk and which bus can I take home while still giving a full measure of eight-hours effort? Then I was invited to breakfast.

At work, we’re getting ready for a big, semi-annual meeting, and doing it in a new, creatively frugal, way. The company provided a very nice breakfast buffet to say thank you.

I tell others that God speaks to us in the ways we are listening, but I will admit I feel like a prodigal child. Did God throw a party because my face turned toward home?

Pray for Those Who Persecute You

A few years ago, after a particularly egregious encounter with my ex-husband, I happened to recall the injunction to “pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43-48, NIV). I was driving, alone in the car, so I screamed out the only thought I had: “God, I hate that man.”

I was amazed by the calming and centering effect this had on me. The underlying prayer was “God, you love that man, because I can’t right now.” Of course it was calming to pray in this way; I gave to God what I could not hold. God gave to me peace and grace.

Recently, I’ve had occasion to consider this injunction again. At first my prayer was something like “please help this person calm down.” Realizing that I was really praying for them to change and stop ranting at me, I decided to employ a style of prayer taught to me by a professor emeritus at my seminary.

He taught us to relax, give ourselves over to God, and think well of the person at the center of our prayer. He taught us to hold an image of God embracing that person.

This, I think, isn’t so much about me, and I like that. Yet, it is about me, and I like that too.

The Message Bible translates / interprets this passage in this way:

When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves.

I like the idea that maybe my “true self” is a person who can give from a well of generosity and grace rather than a person who gives to get. I am grateful for this gift of prayer that lets me be true to myself rather than getting pulled into an adversarial relationship.

Grace and Peace to you, friend.

Lost and Found

Reflections on Hebrews 11 & 12

I miss turns all the time. I get lost. Last weekend as we drove to the hardware store, along a familiar route, I turned onto the interstate. Too late for me to correct this error, my partners words registered. “Where are you going?” A moment later, “ah, you’re going to work.”

It was a familiar route.

Luckily, I get lost a lot. I exited the interstate and drove the back roads to the store. Where I live in Minnesota, many of our highway entrance and exit ramps were designed for less traffic and lower speeds. As it turned out, my mistake brought us to a safer and easier way into the huge parking lot.

Despite my mistake, or perhaps through my mistake, God led us onto a better path, and blessed us with the gift of feeling God’s presence.

Prayer Happens

Where is God in this? This is the question I try to remember to ask. I fail often, but prayer happens.

Prayer Happens because God is gracious and desires a relationship with each one of us, individually.

I think I started this blog because I wanted to talk about faith with you, and hope you will talk with me. Perhaps God had a different idea.

Originally, I intended to stay anonymous, an online persona, nothing more. As soon as I finished writing, I posted to Facebook -- so much for anonymous. Because I shared this endeavor with friends, friends nudge me to post. Or God nudges me through friends. And through my friends, I am reminded that God is active in my life.

I often forget to ask the question: “Where is God in this?” Thankfully God meets us where we are. Prayer Happens.

Can't Commune Alone

A few years ago, my church and I had a falling-out and I stopped attending services anywhere.

The desire to live my faith never waned, even as I refused to share my faith. Most unfortunately for my stubborn self, God is persistent. I continue to think sermon-style.

For a time, I thought about organizing an informal bible study/discussion of faith in my local area. Ah, but where to meet? Even now, I am confident that a number of local congregations would offer space, but not everyone I'd like to study with is willing to cross that threshold. A cafe? Cozy but not private. Community center? Not cozy.

You see the problem. I talked myself out of it before I even got started. Still floundering, I spoke with a friend who has had a long and sometimes turbulent relationship with this same Christian organization. I'm angry with them. And I miss them. I confessed that while I didn't really want to do the Sunday morning thing, it's very hard to commune alone.

My friend sidelined my lame attempt at humor and reminded me that it's very hard to be a Christian alone.